D-Day

So the results are in... my baby has spina bifida (myleomeningocele). For those that don't know what that is look at this website: http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/4439_1224.asp.

We're devastated. No parent plans to have a sick child. The prognosis is blurry (mostly because I have to see it through waterfalls of tears). The specialist tells us we have a few weeks to choose it we want to terminate the pregnancy. While he goes on to talk about how this is a medically justifiable reason to choose abortion all I can hear is "kill your child". As far as choices for the future, carry out the pregnancy and seek surgical intervention post delivery. I question him about in utero surgeries taking place in the states. He says not to get our hopes up, but agrees to give us the names and numbers of a few physicians.

I don't understand. Why didn't God answer our cries for healing? But in the back of my mind I keep thinking about these experimental surgeries, is this the healing God will provide?

I cry the whole 4 hours home. Kev is so wonderful, strong and supportive. But he's hurting to.

The future is so blurry.

Where is God in all this?
Melody