A change in our plans or accepting Gods?

Hello All.

Well I know most of you haven't heard but we never boarded the plane to Germany on Tuesday. Yes some of you are surprised after hearing our decision to go. I'll try my best to give you an idea of what has taken place over the last few days, everyone reading this must feel like a yo-yo and it gives you a small glimpse at what our emotions have been over the last almost month now.

Kev and I have believed that from day one God had complete control in both our lives and the life of our child. We've spent time in prayer seeking Gods will, praying for direction, and mostly praying for healing (both emotionally and physically). Where doors have closed others have open, and each step of this journey we tried our hardest to open our hearts to the way our Lord would choose us to go. This has not been easy, as God works in mysterious and wondrous ways.

We had decided not to go on Friday last week, the financial impact of this trip was so overwhelming and unknown, we couldn't risk everything for possibly nothing. With no guarantee of any sort, not even helping our child, we felt trapped. Neither Kev nor I slept on Friday night, and both got up very early Saturday. After a tearful discussion over breakfast, we both felt so unsure of our choice. Mostly we felt that we were taking control by not allowing God to work out the financial aspects. So in a step of faith we booked our trip, allowing God the control and trusting in His plan (whatever that may be). We prayed hard that God would provide a clear indication about this if we were not following his path.

On Monday Dr. Hoffmann (my ObGyn here in Fort Mac) that has supported us from the beginning in fetal surgery call us in to talk with her. Only 14 hours before our flight she told us not to go. Just like that "do not go". After she had reviewed the fee's assessment she believed that we were risking financially investing everything we had for no guarantee's, and giving up what we will need to invest in this child's future, either way. Being from Europe herself, she felt the fees were way too high for any procedure, let alone an experimental procedure.

Have you ever felt God speaking to you?

So our biggest supporter no longer wanted us going. And not the kind of "I don't really think you should go", but a loud "do not go". We had prayed God would be clear so could we deny this? So we laid down our wants and felt it was time to let go of this dream. You see I aways hoped in the back of my mind that this would "fix" my baby. Make him whole, make him perfect.

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder.

I feel like Robert Frost's poem (on the side of this blog). Two paths lying before me. One holds the dream of a "normal" life. The other is hard, unknown, scary, unclear, undefined, and long. How does a person let go of their dreams and step out in faith on a path with so many unknowns? They don't. Only God's supportive shoulder, leaned on in faith will get one through that trail, or this trial. And like Robert Frost, we take the one least travelled hoping, praying that will make all the difference.

My baby is perfect.

Made in the image of God, knit together by Him in my womb. Created to glorify our Lord.

Both Kev and I have had moments of tears over this choice, it leaves us feeling like we can't do anything to help him. It leaves us so helpless. We will spend the next three months knowing that medically our child could loose his leg function, where today his kicks me endlessly. It breaks our hearts, brings me tears. But somewhere in all this is a plan. One created by the creator, unclear to us we're allowing Him control. We can never tell you how much each prayer, email, phone call has meant. One is only as strong as those that support him. We are so blessed with you friends and family. Thank you seems so little, so insignificant. But we say it from the depths of our hearts.

Thank you.